AJC

Gift-giving takes careful thought - Don't turn gesture into a faux pas

Maria Mallory White - For the Journal-Constitution
Sunday, December 1, 2002


As hard as it may be to decide what to give Aunt Anne for Christmas, gift-giving in the workplace may be even trickier.

Susan Bixler's advice: Let the buyer beware. Bixler is president of The Professional Image, a corporate image consulting firm.

"Gift-giving can actually be a disaster," Bixler asserts, "and there are lots of ways it can be a disaster."

Among common errors, she says:

"Gift-giving needs to be something that is well-considered and thought out," cautions Bixler, who devoted a chapter to the subject in her book "Five Steps to Professional Presence," published in 2001.

The first order of business in gift-giving, says Bixler, is to establish a sound principle for giving.

"It's a way to show appreciation. It's a way to, I think, encourage, and it's certainly a way to thank people for all the hard work that they've done," she says.

From there, the nature of the business relationship must be considered, and then the appropriateness of the gift is judged in that light, she says.

"If you're a boss giving to your employees, make sure that the gifts are equal [among] their peer group," Bixler advises.

An exception to that rule is the annual bonus. "Now cash bonuses, that would be private and based on what the contributions of the employees were, but if it's a [noncash] gift, it needs to stay equal so that people don't get their feelings hurt," Bixler explains.

Bixler says making gifts similar even across hierarchal lines is a good idea. She discourages giving markedly different gifts for management and staff.

"I think it creates a tiered approach," she says. "It creates a better team if, externally, people are gifted the same."

That doesn't mean that everyone has to receive the same gift, however.

"If it's a small office, and the boss knows everybody, then maybe he or she sets a dollar amount in his or her head, and if they have the time, they go out and get something special for each of those people --- but you keep the same dollar value," Bixler says.

Either way, "There needs to be a lot of thought and planning. It really needs to be a well-considered program or effort," she stresses.

When planning gifts, remember less is more, she says.

"It's always better to go a little bit more modest as opposed to overdoing it, because it makes people really uncomfortable," she says. "If, for instance, someone gives the boss [an expensive] gift from Tiffany's, and everyone else gives golf balls."

Focus on the recipient by giving the gift that is the best tribute to the boss, not the one you think makes you look most competitive among other gift-givers, Bixler advises.

"I think the overriding principle is the thoughtfulness, to really get something that focuses on that person and think about what they would really like," she says.

For a boss or co-worker who has everything, "What may honor them is a donation in their name to a charity," Bixler says.

If you know your boss really likes supporting, say, Easter Seals, you can make a donation of whatever you can afford in their honor, but make sure it's discreetly done.

"I think it would be really tacky if a boss gets a card that says, 'I just made a $50 contribution to the Easter Seals in your name.' That would not be appropriate."

Competitiveness and grandstanding aren't what gift-giving is about, Bixler says. "The gift is not supposed to be about us; it's supposed to be about them."

When giving to peers, as well, give carefully, Bixler counsels: "We all have different relationships among our peers, and I think you have to be very careful that you don't hurt anybody's feelings by either excluding them or doing too much for one person that everybody else knows about."

Whatever you give, to the boss or co-worker, "The gift should be very nicely wrapped and well-presented," Bixler says. "Don't just toss it to them in the paper bag it came in. It needs to have a card with it so you express the right sentiment and who gave it to them."

And, when you find yourself on the receiving end this holiday season, don't forget your manners, Bixler says. "Whatever gift you get, you send [the giver\] a written thank-you note. A written thank-you note is absolutely mandatory."

--- Maria Mallory White is a free-lance writer. Her e-mail address is malloryink@aol.com