The Basis of Happiness
What a year we just finished. It's definitely Holland - not Italy. Yet, as we stop and reflect, we have undoubtedly learned more about our responses to unrelenting changes during the past 12 months than we learned during the past 20 years.
In our coaching practice, we have seen more stress, anxiety, doubt, and uncertainty than any other time since we started the firm in 1980. So much change in our lives has been out of our control, yet it impacted each of us significantly. But as coaches, we have also seen more courage, determination, toughness, imagination, and serious ambition by our clients than we ever saw before. This was coupled with a genuine yearning for balance with family, friends, hobbies, and health. Most successful people know how to work. Their challenge is to know how to be happy.
So given that, let's figure out what we did learn and what we can bring into 2010.
The Four Cornerstones
One of the lessons I learned is that there is no silver bullet to happiness. There just isn't one single accomplishment, one relationship, one house, one job, one bank balance, or one institution that can single handedly create happiness. Ask Buzz Aldrin, who was part of the Apollo 11 team that was the first to land on the moon. He had a very difficult time creating new goals in his life after that event!
While each event, activity, and person can add to our lives, it is the aggregate of all of them that makes a successful life. Here are my thoughts on what constitutes the basis of happiness.
l. Connectedness. We do get by with a little help from our friends and colleagues. In our coaching work, we call it The Circle of Influence. It's the group of 20+ people that we report to, are on teams with, have to collaborate with, or directly supervise. Each in their own way plays a role in making us better. Everyone's job in 2010 is to expand his or her Circle of Influence with individuals who are a positive force to encourage and bring out the best in us.
Trevor Marsicano, 20 year old Olympic star speed skater, faced childhood bullying, depression, severe injury, and yet had the determination to not let his astonishing athletic skill be denied. He said the best advice he ever received was "Surround yourself with positive people."
2. Optimism and then Gratitude. Quick story. Two shoe salesmen land in a small village. None of the villagers have shoes. One texts back to the company "No market here. They don't wear shoes." The other texts back "Huge opportunity. They don't wear shoes."
It takes the continual and sometimes intentional act of re-framing events that provides fresh thinking and opportunity in our lives and our businesses. In fact, reframing means that there is a jewel (or a pony) in everything, somewhere.
With optimism and a sincere belief in the goodness of people, there is also gratitude. They go hand in hand. Ray Lewis, a Raven's star linebacker who was acquitted of murder in 2000 in Atlanta, has dedicated his life to bringing exercise and health to the homeless. He has an on-going boot camp at homeless shelters in Baltimore where he personally leads the workouts. He also has regular workout sessions for the police in Baltimore, which is a partnership that he probably never considered before his trial.
3. Purpose beyond Self. Look around your own company. Who has created sustainable happiness? What do they have in common? Some are over 50, others are under 30, some are fairly wealthy, some pretty broke. But the thread that ties all happy people together is they have found a purpose beyond themselves. Maybe it is serving fried chicken in the cafeteria or maybe it is leading the entire company.
Medical research on happiness was conducted in Calcutta with people in desperate poverty. What they learned is that in Calcutta, if people had families to care for and some purpose beyond their own survival, their happiness level was almost on par with middle class American families. Go figure.
But don't get me wrong. Strong cash flow, well earned professional stature, and cool toys are terrific but they are outcomes of financial success and not necessarily happiness. Leveraging and sharing beyond self-interest, losing ourselves by finding purpose in our life's work, has proven to be a key element to happiness.
4. Engagement. There are job openings and promotions available in almost every company for those who will actively engage, contribute, and add real, measurable value. It's learning to look at the workplace with fresh eyes, as a "gig economy" where everyone - employed or looking for employment - hustles, learns, regroups, and retools.
Gallup Research determined that only 29% of employees in companies were actively engaged. The other 71% were either disengaged or actively disengaged. If these numbers could be reversed, what an unleashing of productivity!
No one can afford to give up and take themselves out of the game. No one can afford to walk to the sidelines, sit on the bench, complain and blame. There is too much to be done and a lot of fun to be had. We are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. We have to stay in the game. Engage. Persevere.
If we are leaders, we have to lead. If we are team members, we have to engage every single day, all day. If we are looking for re-employment, we have to be upbeat, in the game and "attractive" to potential employers. Who wants to hire someone who is already disengaged before they start?
Like the high school cheer-what does it spell? It spells COPE. Connection, Optimism, Purpose beyond self, and Engagement. These four components are the basis of happiness. They will help you recalibrate. They will work for you in 2010 and beyond.
So I wish you a new year like none other. The best is yet to come!
Chinese Wisdom
If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap.
If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing.
If you want to be happy for a month, get married.
If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune.
But if you want to be happy for a lifetime, serve others.