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A Better Way to Work a Room

Working a room...if only it could be fun...or at least productive. I am referring to that business event that requires us to mix and mingle, to meet and greet, to schmooze and smile.

Command performance events like a cocktail party, a business dinner, or a charity event can feel stiff, forced, and boring. Research indicates that only .0025% of people actually enjoy walking into a room full of strangers.

So why put yourself through that? Well for one thing, Nathan Keyfitz, professor of sociology at Harvard observes, "Personal culture will be of even greater importance for economic success in the future. The most successful people will be those who can communicate and connect better than their peers."

Put another way, developing social skills is one of the best ways to build your personal brand. You get to control the entire message. Are there risks? Absolutely. But the upside is huge. The more you put yourself in networking situations, the easier it becomes and the greater the professional, social, and personal benefits.

Here are 5 tips for a better way to work a room:

1. Approach every networking opportunity having decided it is going to be fun. While no single event is guaranteed to change your life, any single event could. People are drawn to those who are laughing, listening and enjoying themselves.


2. Be clear about your objectives. What do you hope to gain? Who will be present that you want to meet? What can you contribute to them? Don't wait for someone to introduce you. Take the initiative with a simple, genuine self-introduction.


3. Reject CPA...Continuous Partial Attention. That's the way most of us go through life, with the radio on, talking to a client, while answering personal email and simutaneously checking our Blackberry. Rather than scanning the room, focus all your attention on that single person to whom you are speaking. Make friendly eye contact, actively listen, allow some silence, add attentive body language, and even give them the sense that you have been genuinely waiting all week to meet them. You will be giving them a wonderful gift, the gift of your complete attention.


4. Learn the art of small talk. It starts with giving someone your complete attention, but moves to finding an area of common interest. Small talk is never too serious, but works to put people at ease, to make them more comfortable. Given that, any topic will do. Dogs, cats, trips, food, books, movies, kids, restaurants, home projects, or sports will work well as long as we don't monopolize the conversation. Small talk doesn't teach, preach, or impress. It isn't about building status or importance. It is just light, easy, and human.


5. Do your homework. Review the names of the people attending, their spouses or partners, their affiliations, and any prior conversations you had with them. Get help from others if you need it.

Finally, common sense tells us, but we often ignore it, to not arrive too late, leave too early, drink too much, dress too casually or provocatively, eat too much, talk too much, dance too wildly, push our agenda too much, or glue ourselves to one person the whole night.

Few things personally or professionally happen by accident. The good things in our lives occur because of planning, initiation, courage and intention. Consider going to the next command performance with some pre-planning and the intent to generously listen, laugh, and have fun. Then watch what happens.

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